New Hat

I got up early and ran out to find useful things. I found some good tools in a crusty old bag but I don’t know what they are I guess. I stopped looking for things when I seen some big bones sticking in the walls up on the High Mesa. It seemed like belly bones but that was some belly.



So much is something I don’t know about here. I don’t even know if I have the right questions I guess. It is hard to figger out the world and fun sometimes and then too it can make me terrible cross because I don’t know so much. I would have been cross all night too except that I found a nice new hat sticking out of some sand.

Watching Sand

For a long time today I sat and watched sand. I guess the sand makes my headpain some better sometimes. I guess when the wind blows sand in waves like water I see stories in them and when I'm thinking the stories I'm not so cross about the headpains. Maybe that makes me crazy old Sam again but if you had the headpains you'd want to tell yourself stories too I guess. When I felt mostly ok I took a long walk.

A Crow

I met a crow who was on a shovel handle in the open place near Cormac. The wind was so cold my toes were ice so I don’t know how little talons felt. He was cross from the start and I never did know what all the cussing was about. There was a bag at the base of the shovel where he sat but I couldn’t get near it without fear of wearing a patch on my eye forever. I even gave him some flatbread and he ate it but when I said no more he started cussing again. Maybe he’s like that at first and he will be nice later I don’t know. Some critters are just mean though so maybe not. Probably too tough to eat anyway.

Goodness

Tonight I feel so good. I guess so much that I climbed to the top of Burning Mountain just to have a look at the world. The moon was fat and bright and I was warm by the fire watching a she-owl hunt mice in the valley below. I was thinking that if I fall asleep I might miss something else beautiful so I will stay awake.

When I first became here I was so broken and scared. It seemed like everything wanted to eat me and take my stuff and laugh when they did it. But tonight I think I member what a good feeling is because I have friends and I’ve been so lucky finding things and surviving. I still get the headpains and bloody nose but then I also get to watch the she-owl and swim in the water. I don’t think I want to crawl back into the ground anymore. I think I like it here and being Sam.

Dinner at Kitty’s

I decided to walk to the Cape again today. It felt good to walk the long way last time and I wanted to see if the nice doggie was still there but he wasn’t anywhere. I got to slip by everybody I saw and I think nobody seen me do it. Even with the new machete that Terrenn gave me I feel small and worried when I leave my places in The Rot.

I walked down and had a nice swim even in the cold water at the Cape. I was going to make the walk back when I saw my friend Kitty so we sat and talked. She was at her pack den and she invited me in to see because she is so a nice Kitty. Her house was funny and big and empty at first but then she showed me the house underground and it was so much warm and safe there it felt like Grammy’s kitchen.

Kitty’s house had so much good. Right there was clean water from a spring and goats for milk and nice mushrooms for soup. Kitty said the fire that made everything so warm in her den was her Ancestor Fire so we sat around it and talked. She told me that mamimals is what she calls her people and that they were the reason for the drawings on the wall in the Underground Place in The Rot. I always wondered who made those marks down there and I guess it was Kitty’s relations. She said mamimals and people don’t get along very good but I don’t know why because Kitty is nicer than a lot of people I met here.

And then we ate so much good food I thought I was the queen. After she promised it wasn’t people I ate such good meat that Kitty made from rats and seasoned with carrots and blueberry. Then she gave me a mug of cold brew called mead that she said was made from honey and wheat that went spoiled but it didn’t taste like it was off. Mead made my nose tickle and I was burping and laughing with Kitty.



Then she roasted grubs on a stick that I wasn’t sure about at first. They were called honey coated cinder beetle larvas and I ate the first one to be polite but I ate the next bunch because they were so good like candy meat and not as gooey as they looked at first. My belly was full and I was warm from a rabbit skin blanket she gave to me. Kitty is so kind to Sam and I was happy to have a friend so much.

I was sorry to leave Kitty to get home before dark but I promised I would come back and help her gather grubs because I don’t want to be all eat and no work. I like Kitty so much I wisht I had a tail.

A Long Walk

I walked all the way to the Cape today. I didn’t see nobody and nobody seen me the whole way except a doggie that seemed nice. I didn’t see Kitty or Portense or nobody I know but it was ok anyway. The water at the Cape is nice and I went swimming a little but it looked like dark so I ate the little flatbread I brought and then had to leave. It sure is nice at the Cape. So modern and glamour there.

Kitty and Little Pea

This morning I went out to find useful things again and don’t tell nobody but I found a whetstone. I’m so happy I been skipping all day but I don’t know what I will do with it yet. Some people want to trade whetstones for bacon but Sam might want to make something for herself too.



After my good find I seen Kitty and Little Pea which was as good as finding coal if you ask me. Poor Kitty thought I was going to skin her for fur when I just wanted to pet her nice spots. It must be hard to be a kitty sometimes when people want to hunt you and it would make me jumpy too I guess. Kitty told me again about coming to see her pack where they live in The Cape and I want to go visit but it’s so far away.



Little Pea made us both laugh all morning. When I was a tiny brat and got too excited Grammy used to say I was full of vinegar but I don’t know what it means. I guess Pea is full of vinegar too because she is the jumpy playing brat all the time. It’s hard to understand her because she talks like she has beetles in her mouth sometimes but I guess her parents are all dead now like Sam. Sometimes I think I should try to be her Grammy but the way my headpains happen so sudden I guess I’m not a good one to depend on like a Grammy should be. I like little Pea even though she smells funny sometimes.



Pea says if I drink more water I won’t get the nose bleeds anymore. Kitty says if I make an offering to Mommy Dirt and Papa Sky then they might take away my headpains. Alls I know is it is good to have friends who give me advice. I feel like the luckiest thing who ever crawled out of the ground today.

Another Day

Another Dream in the Kitchen

I had another dream where I was in Grammy’s kitchen again. I had to sneak in through the place by the oven where the flap isn’t sewn together very good because the Man in Gloves was at the front but I got in safe. I seen Grammy and she seen me and I told her how much I miss her but she didn’t seem to hear. Grammy was working hard at the bread dough for diner time and she looked tired.

Then I heard a whimper sound but it wasn’t Grammy it was coming from the floor and when I looked I seen a box of sweet puppies. They were so soft with ear fur like spider silk and they all wanted to lick on my nose at once.

Then Grammy said things I wasn’t sure about. She said don’t go giving them dogs names Sammy they are only here till they get fat enough. And then she said one puppy was a runty one and I should make sure it gets help to get fat too and that was my special job to help the puppy. Grammy said a runty one is when there are puppies but one is smaller and weaker than the others. She said the runty one dies earlier most times and always has problems being normal and being strong. Then she pet me on the top of my head like I was a puppy and said how good I was at greasing pans.

I guess I’m membering more about the beforetimes when I dream and then it doesn't make the headpains start so ok. I wish I knew what it means or why. Later I dreamed I was in a giveaway box out in front of the kitchen tent but I don’t know that ever really happened so maybe it’s all just a show my Twonkie head cooked up in my sleep.

Buryhead Buzzard

I just got back from the Buryhead Buzzard but I think they really call it something else. I was so ervous I got there lots before anyone so I got to sit and watch sand for a while. But then some people got there and some of them I had seen before even. Good Kitty Melody was there and she let me pet her ear and Tralala that I see running around all the times was there too. She is so glamour I can hardly talk.

I met a nice lady named Apo with fire color hair who was even making spelling on papers she had. I told her I could make spellings too and she didn’t seem like it was no big deal and nobody threw rocks or said we was full of demons for spelling. I also met a nice man named Digger who smoked on funny smelling cigars and made me tea and bacon. There was even someone more tiny than me there named Pea who was just a brat but very smart and funny. I got a terrible headpain while we all talked and Pea helped me by putting her fingers in my nose to stop the blood. I think she meant nice but her hands smelled funny.



Some other people were there too but I was so excited I never known their names. I asked if anyone wanted to trade for feathers but nobody there seemed to know what they are good for either and didn’t want them. I had so much fun talking to people who were nice and I guess I wasn’t too crazy that they wisht I was gone. Next time I will go too and see how much bacon I can trade for the electric motor I have.

Friends

Doc is a nice fellow I met here. He lives in a funny house that looks like a tad pole but big and metal. He told me lots of things that were useful and help me get along here. More useful than some of the crates I found even. Doc said I should join his club for Pink Skins which is another name for people I guess. I’m not sure what it means but I said yes because I like Doc.


Good Doggie I met on the ridge by Burning Mountain. I know it sounds like crazy Sam again but Doggie talked to me and we talked together. He said he was building a railroad but I don’t know what it means. His dog fur smelled good and he let me pet his soft ears.


One night I met some people walking through The Rot and one was called a mutant. She had funny skin and at first I thought she was going to try and eat me but she didn’t. She was called ZTAR and her friends Insanity and a pirate that wouldn’t say her name was there too. We made funny hats from junk around and talked all night until the sun came up. It was one of the good times.


Terrenn is my first real friend after becoming here. She runs through The Rot looking for useful things and sometimes I go visit her place in the Bog. Terrenn helped me by telling me about things here and got me interested in The Masheens where I can make more useful things from just regular things I find. Grammy would call Terrenn a good egg and I think so too.

She even taught me a game they play here sometimes that I guess I was pretty good at for just starting out.

Dream of Grammy’s Kitchen

I had a dream last night that I was in Grammy’s kitchen again and we were making barley soup. It seemed so real and I could smell the hot bricks of the oven like they were right there. I never been able to member the kitchen or any beforetimes so much without getting the terrible headpains but I guess in a dream is different somehow I don’t know. It was so nice to see Grammy again.

In my dream we had to make soup for Honcho Uno and all the men who guarded the settlement and I forgot how many men there were until I seen them in the dream again. Grammy said they could eat a whole horse at every meal and I believe her. Sometimes they were cross with Grammy and the other ladies who worked in the kitchen because they were just mean men sometimes. I think maybe they had lots of danger guarding because sometimes they were bloody and sometimes there were less of them at dinner than at breakfast.

Once a man hit Grammy across the face because he said she didn’t give him the same amount as someone else. But Grammy never got mad or even cried she just gave him extra and said sorry. I asked Grammy why would you let him hit you and she told me member that without men to guard the settlement we’d all be dead and gone before sunrise even Honcho Uno. I didn’t understand what she meant then but I might know it now.

Dreaming about Grammy and the beforetimes is way better than some of the other dreams I had.

Not Enough Meat

I felt better from my headcold so I went out to look for useful things tonight. I ran all around but couldn’t find a useful anything. Then I saw someone else running around so I crouched and hid. I took a peek and couldn’t understand what I seen because it looked like a lady person but also like a kitty. Not like the nice yellow kitty I met before but big like a hunting cat. I guess she could smell me hiding because she prowled over and growled at me.

I member Grammy told me that when you meet wild animals you have to never show if you are scared so I guess I just stood up and said hello because if she was going to eat me well I guess that’s too bad for me. But she didn’t eat me and we sat and talked for a long time.



She said she was called Melody and she came from a whole tribe of animal people that lives in The Cape but I never seen them when I was there. She said that I could come visit them if the Shaman said I was ok and that they wouldn’t try to eat me because I was too skinny. For once being tiny helped.

Then when we were talking I had a terrible headpain so bad. I think it was because I membered how Grammy had some cats and membering makes the headpain start. Melody asked what was wrong and when I said about the headpains she said I should make an offering to Mommy Earth and Papa Sky. I said I never heard of them but Melody said if I went to the top of Burning Mountain and offered something really good maybe Mommy and Papa would take away the pains. I wonder if they like Twonkies.

Melody was so nice not to eat me and give me advice instead. She gave me some wheat and yellow mold because I guess she thought I looked skinny. I gave her a roll of tape and some wires because Grammy said it’s good to give when you get.

What if I’m a Turnip

I have a cold so I was in my hide place all day and I was thinking something that made me so scared. I don’t even want to spell about it because it is so bad but I guess I should anyway. I was thinking about Grammy and how nice she was to me and then I thought how she isn’t here and if someone didn’t believe in Grammy how there was nothing I could do to prove her being real. I guess I wondered that before but today maybe it was my cold or something because I started to wonder if Grammy really was real. And that’s when I got scared because if the things I think I know are just made up then what is really going on really and how will I ever even know it.



So I started to think about what I know is for real and the list was kind of short. I know my name and how to swim and make writing. I know that I had dirt in my mouth when I first became here and I can show the place where it happened so that’s real. But lots of things come out of the ground and maybe they all think they have Grammys that aren’t really real just like I think it. Maybe I’m just a stinger bug who got trapped out in the sun and my brain got cooked so I don’t think I’m a bug any more but I think I’m a person. I don’t know that is true or not and I can’t even prove it. I got so cross thinking like that I had to eat a Twonkie.

I Have a Cold

All my head is packed with powerful snot and I feel like I just got beat up more than usual. I decided to stay in my hide place today. I haven’t found anything in days anyway so why even run around I guess. I think maybe some of the rocks I was sleeping on were talking last night. It was soft like whispers but I think they were arguing with each other I don’t know about what. Or maybe I just ate some bad Dinki-Di. I feel like so much throwup.



I want to get better though because I heard some people talking about a thing they maybe called a Buryhead Buzzard or something. It was hard to hear them but I think a Buryhead Buzzard is when people around here get together for trades. They said the next one is six days from now, and I know the place they talked about it was because I hid there once from some mean boys. I should have given them the bad Dinki-Di. Anyway if I don’t feel like throwup by then I will go see if I can trade my feathers and things there. And maybe meet some people who don’t just want to crack my head like that’s so hard to do.

Some Days

Some days I think it would be better to just crawl right back into the ground.

Headpains

So much headpains today it is hard to spell about. Part is like my head is between two rocks and someone is mashing them together hard. And part is more inside my head and feels like when there is a hole in the ground that nobody expected. We think the ground is solid and won’t go away but then sometimes the ground just opens up like a mouth and if you built a house there or something well that’s too bad for you because it’s gone now. That’s how it seems in my head. I think the beforetimes went down a hole in my head that nobody expected to be there and so much I had in my head is just gone now. Too bad for me.



I used to try to member more about the beforetimes but it hurts so much I don’t try now. I member lots of things about Grammy and some things like how to swim and what the Man with Gloves did and that it takes three silver coins to ride the pony. But why do I know about three coins that aren’t even anywhere now. The only pony I seen here was on a menu. What good is it to member any of the beforetimes if none of it matters and nobody here understands. That’s when I figger I must be crazy and my nose bleeds.

I guess I will probably never get what I lost back. I never heard of a house popping out of the ground again after it sunk. Maybe if I just learn new stuff about how to live here then the hole in my head will be filled again and I won’t have the terrible headpains and be sad anymore.

Secret Lines and Bad Animals

More and more as I run out in the far aways from The Rot there are things I don’t know about. Like some times there are places where the world just stops like the edge of nothing and I’m afraid to step any closer. Why would the world just stop somewhere? Even one day I was swimming in the bog and I found a place where one water changes to another. It’s hard to spell about but it’s true and I guess I don’t know why.



Another thing is when there are secret lines on the ground in places. Secret because I never heard nobody else talk about them so I guess I am the one who can see them somehow. A lot of times when I run across a secret line I have freezing cramps like a spell and other times I can’t stop running for a while. Even sometimes I run up onto the air for some reason. I watched it happen to some other people too so I know it isn’t just old crazy Sam again. I don’t understand how things happen here.

And then there is the thing about the animals around here. Some of them like this yellow kitty I met once are so nice and they are like a good friend. Kitty liked all my jokes and talked a lot but only said meow. Kitty was the best.



But then other animals are more about biting and poison even when I never hurt them or hardly just walk by. But I guess the people I see and meet here are kind of like that too where some are nice and some just want to beat me up and take my stuff. I guess some are good animals and some are bad animals.

The Bandstand

Somehow I lived after I became here. I found a safe place to hide and sleep and there was enough yellow mold when I got hungry. I didn’t want to wander away too far from the place where I became here just in case someone else came up from the ground after me but nobody has yet. Just me.

One night some strangers wandered through when I was hiding in the theater and I heard them say that this place was called The Rot which is a funny name. I found a place where the water didn’t stink too bad to swim and the more I looked around The Rot the more I felt like it was an ok place. I guess I live here. Well if I have a home anywhere now it is here.

One day I was looking for useful things to pick up when I found a shiny green kettle near a fire. Nobody was around but how did the fire get started I thought. It seemed like almost a magic thing and the fire was nice and warm. I found some tree bark that was like paper earlier that day and I guess I thought to make a note for the kettle. Grammy used to say if you write down a thing and hide it away then the thing might come true or get better or whatever so I guess I wrote down how I liked a place nearby a red thorny flower bush. I wrote that wouldn’t it be nice to have a nook there that was mine where I could stay and I put the note into the green kettle. I guess I felt silly after I did it but also I guess I had a good feeling.



That night I hid and slept in the stinky tunnel where it was safe. I member I had a dream then about people making music like I used to hear tones from my ear covers and they were all right in front of me. The horns they played were so shiny and that was the first time I felt good since I became here.

But the one thing that was best was in the morning when I crawled out of the stinky tunnel there was something new right where my note wisht it would be. I guess I can’t know for sure but somehow I think I made the bandstand real by thinking it on the note. This land is so strange and I have so much trouble thinking and membering sometimes so I know it seems like crazy to say it. But I really think that kettle is magic somehow.

Hamrey Fonda

So after I first became here I didn’t know what to do or where to live. I was alone and had to hide. The theater was open and things kept wandering in. I think they were maybe dogs then but they walked like people and dressed funny.



I didn’t want to know them so I ran away and that’s what I do mostly. I think I guess I have to run because I’m small and my headpains make me weak sometimes. Maybe it’s the mold. Anyway I’m a runner not a fighter.



Grammy used to tell me stories about theaters where she went to visit her boyfriend Hamrey Fonda who was a cowboy whatever that is. Grammy used to say Hamrey Fonda made her swoon but I’m not sure I know what that means. She looked happy when she would swoon. Grammy was my best friend I think because she used to tell me I was really really good at things like making my letters and greasing cake pans. She was old and smelled like onions.

I guess there is so many things I don’t know and can’t member that it’s hard to tell a story right. Like why was I in the ground with dirt in my mouth. I guess I might have been dead but then why am I here now and what happened in between the beforetimes and now. When I think of it I’m all headpains and afterwards I still don’t know any better. I guess alls I can really know is that I’m here right now, and my name is Sam Wyx. I hope that is enough.

Goodbye Kornbelt

Sometimes strange things happen now I can't explain like places will change from what I know into something new for some reason I don't know. One of my favorite places since I became here was The Kronbelt but when I first heard the name I thought they said Kornbelt so that's what I call it. Kornbelt used to look so good from on top of Burning Mountain. The Kornbelt is all gone now and I don't know why and I'm so sad. I don't know how things change so much. Is anything really solid anymore.


A pipe in Kornbelt was my best hide place in almost all the world. I could see Burning Mountain in the far away.


Kornbelt had some factory parts and I don't know what really. It seemed sad like people were hurt but I guess I don't know. The machines were noisy and smelled really bad but it was a good place to find stuff.


There were other parts of Kornbelt that were like going to Sunny School but not so fancy dress. I used to sit inside the big place and listen for the tones in my head to come back and try to member Grammy's voice.




There is the goat I named Curry. He was cross sometimes but he was a good goat overall and I would pet him every time I was out in Kornbelt. I miss you Curry.


There was the funny elephant statue in Kornbelt that sometimes I would leave things for and on the days that I left things I never found a box that exploded. I'm not yanking your chain even a little bit because it was like science.


I started to notice things really changing in Kornbelt so I cut all the red flowers I could carry and left them where the lucky elephant used to be but I haven't seen it since so I don't know. I guess I will miss The Kronbelt like your tongue misses a baby tooth for a while. That place was dear to me and I wisht I could show it to Grammy.

Wires and Mold

After I got the dirt from my mouth I was sick feeling. I had to crawl around because of the terrible headpain and also my belly was sick. I held myself up on a street light pole for a long time wishing I was back in beforetimes with Grammy but that is a stupid thing to want I know. I guess I had to crawl around a long time but I don’t know.



I was so sad and wisht I was already dead when I found the theater. It was a place like Grammy told me about and I could tell there was maybe dancing on the stage some times. I guess I crawled up to a small high cave to die that day but inside I found some wires and on them growing was a yellow mold. I guess I had no other idea so I ate the yellow mold and lived, so I ate more. I think that’s how I stayed alive when I first became here and so don’t judge me from my diet.


I thought I might die but I was wrong.