Chemicals and Radiations

My friend Benji is so nice. She showed me lots of places around that I didn’t know about where there is chemicals and radiations. Benji says those things made her mutant. She says things don’t hurt as much when you are mutant and she feels ok not too much hurting from changing to mutant either. All of this sounds maybe ok to Sam and if I was mutant me and Benji would be like sisters. And I think I like to be a sister.

So I was thinking about it first and then went and I just did it. I went to one of the places where there was green radiations and stood in it for a little while maybe not enough I don’t know.

I was feeling sick and like throwup after and then I got real sleepy so I hid in the tunnel. I had funny dreams of a dog that lived in Honcho Uno’s fort called Tripod for his three legs. He hopped around funny but he was a good dog and in my dream he brought me a little fish in his mouth. When I woke up I tried to braid my hair but it all fell out like dead grass. Maybe I’m mutant now but I don’t have a tail so I don’t know.

So Good News

I ran to the Cape today and went to see if anybody knew more from Harvey. Inside I seen Jordy and Gregory and KittyKat and Benji and a nice circus lady and they said Harvey was upstairs and alive. They said he was beaten up horrible bad and it was something called Frank or Ozgram that did it but I don’t know. I was so happy to know about Harvey being still alive.

There was talking about doing killing to some people because of what they did and everybody wanted to find a crazy fire girl with a funny name I forget. I wanted to help so I said I will help and some of us went running to try to find the mean men but we never seen them. I ran some with KittyKat and she showed me where Frank lives but he wasn’t home then. KittyKat is a army by her own self and I feel sorry for those mean men almost if KittyKat catches them.

I got to run with Benji too and we looked and looked for the bad people but no luck seeing them. Benji showed me some of the places around where things are that can make a girl go mutant. There was smelly something in a deep ditch for one and some sick water in another place that was radiations Benji said. I was thinking how nice Benji is and I wondered if I could make me mutant so we could be sisters. I didn’t want to jump in the chemicals right then but it would be nice to get a family again after so long. Maybe if I just swim in the ooze more I will change into a sister.

On the way back to Harvey’s we took the sky barrel and I rode on top.

Nice Fire

I went up to the top on Burning Mountain today to watch for owls again but I never seen any. When I was watching anyway I saw somebody down below so I kept watching. From where I was I seen she was a girl and she had a tail. I thought I seen her shiver in the cold so I yelled to her there is a fire up here if you are cold and she climbed right up.

She said she was called Benji and I said I hope I wasn’t mean to ask but what are you lady. She said she was mutant and I guess I asked a lot of questions about mutant. I met ZTAR one time and the snake hair lady that worked in Harvey’s Bar but otherwise I don’t know mutant from anybody. I even just learned what is ghoul that’s how much I don’t know about.

Benji was so nice to Sam and we shared the nice fire. She said mutant is when you are a person and then something happens like you get chemicals on you and then you change and become mutant. I guess I don’t know the more of it. Benji said Sam you be careful going swimming or you will get chemicals on you too. But I guess if I did get mutant me and Benji would be like sisters then and I like that.

Toss Words

one two buckle for you
three four at the door
five six don’t play tricks
seven eight at the gate
nine ten do it again

I don’t know what it means either.

Profit and Toss

Some good things were today I’m so full of vinegar too. I guess the first thing is when I put a note in a can in the Bog with a list of the things I didn't need so much that I collected here and built at the masheens. Was I thinking about dragging that electric motor around the sand forever maybe not. So I put my junk list in the Bog can and yesterday when I checked there was a note back to me from Tralala who is so glamour. She said Sam can I buy your this and some that so I said yes and thank you for shopping with Sam. I will not spell about what I got for my pay incase of pirates or other rats that can read and find this page. But it was a sweet plumb for Sam is all.

So that’s why I was feeling good and played hopscotch on the bridge. Grammy used to call it hop-toss for some reason I never heard nobody but Grammy say it that way. Maybe she was old in the head.


So far Sam has only run from things. Danger makes my feet move and thinking about hurting things makes me feel bad inside. But so much of the word is bad too so I don’t know. Yesterday I was out running and met a nice lady named India. She said that just because there is a hat and blood in some water don’t mean that nobody dies it just might look that way. So maybe Harvey is trapped somewhere and can’t get away like that poor girl from before. India told me that ghouls were involved and some place called Black Market. I nodded but I guess I don’t know even what ghoul means. I seen a place called Black Market once but it looked more rusty than black so maybe I don’t know that either.

I asked if I could help find Harvey and India said sure so we ran around a bit and then met KittyKat. I met KittyKat when I was still new here and she chased me all through the Junkyard that day maybe just because I was running. But yesterday KittyKat told me I needed to learn fighting. I was ervous at first. I think I hit myself more than I hit KittyKat but we fought a few times just for my practice and something about it was almost fun. Swinging the machete made Sam feel bigger than I am like maybe I don’t have to run all the time. It’s funny and new to think about fighting. I felt bad the few times I hit KittyKat but she said it was ok. So watch out for warrior Sam you kidnappers and mean men.

KittyKat told me also that she feels bad because the night I seen Jordy and those mean men Jordy got all beat up and KittyKat was supposed to be watching and protecting Jordy then. I told her don't worry KittyKat because I bet Jordy could find trouble in a pile of pillows.


I walked all the way down to Harvey’s Bar this morning. It was so empty and quiet. Last time I was at Harvey’s there was a big dancing party and lots of people were having fun. Now it is so still and sad in the bar like it died with Harvey too. I guess I don’t know what to do so I left a red sticker flower on the counter. Maybe someone else who misses Harvey will see it and know that someone else misses him too. I wisht people would stop killing each other and help make things better but it sounds like crazy Sam again when I think that. I’m just a lost Twonkiehead girl with not much of anything and it seems like someone like me could be mean and take stuff and make only myself better but I never could do that. I even felt sorry for picking the red sticker flower that’s what a softy Sam is. Poor Harvey. I wonder what happend to his hat.

Poor Harvey is Dead

I spent all day on the bridge just laying on the couch and looking at the sky. It seems like things just grow up a little and then they die and that's it. Like the whole idea of being safe is just something they tell brats to stop them crying. Sometimes you get eaten sometimes you fall off a building sometimes a mean somebody kidnaps you and all they find is your hat in some bloody water. I only knew Harvey not so much but I think his being dead means bad for everyone. I got cross thinking about it so I played hopscotch like Grammy taught me but I need to find some chalk. Maybe I’ll go down to Harvey’s Bar tomorrow and leave a red flower in case he might come back somehow.

What I Just Seen

I was just out running at dawn I don’t even know where and I saw some men ahead so I stopped and sat down in the shadows to rest. The sun was just coming up and I seen five men who looked maybe mean and also dangerous and that kid Jordy was with them. I could hear them from where I was and they were all talk and talk about some food deal and some ammo they had or needed I don’t really know. Some of them were quiet but they didn’t look any nicer than the talking ones.

But then I almost made a yelp when I heard the next thing that Harvey was dead. One of the men said they found Harvey’s hat in the water with some blood and they guess Harvey isn’t coming back from being kidnapped. Jordy and some other man was talking that they missed Harvey and maybe they would hurt the people who killed him. But the other men said they didn’t care and these things happen so I guess they are mean men.

Then Jordy muttered something I don’t know and then he pulled out a gun and shot one of the men in the cheek. Jordy ran off as soon as he shot the man but the man just laughed like nothing hurt him. I was so scared I was like a cold stone.

The sun was coming up and the shadow I sat down in was starting to go away. Also I noticed that the men were all looking at me so I just stood up and ran so fast I felt like throwup when I finally stopped. I’m so sad for Harvey. He was very nice to Sam.

Running Around

I been trying to see new places when I go running around. There is so much to see here and I only know a little of it. Today I found a place that has my favorite kind of sticker bush growing like my thinking place in The Rot but not as good a view. I like the sticker bushes for some reason I don’t know. The scratches feel good I guess and I feel right at home when I sit in them even the new patch I found.

I heard that Harvey is still missing. I wisht I could find where he was so I could get people together and save him but I guess I’d have to be pretty lucky to know where he was. I hope he gets out and safe soon.

Rough World

Today I walked and walked. I seen a boy I know called Gregory who said his friend Harvey was kidnapped by somebody. It was the second kidnap I heard about this week so somebody is doing bad things. I met Harvey at his bar one time and he was nice so I hope he gets found. I also seen a little green boy called Kendo who said he got attacked when he was asleep and his head was all rolling on his neck from pain. I guess it is a rough world and that’s why I run from everything.


I went to a place where some people dance on a roof sometimes and met a nice lady named Frost. She was eating a thing I never seen before so I asked and it was called corndog. I wasn’t sure how they grow that but Frost gave me one she had and I made her promise it wasn’t people meat inside.

Corndog is so good. You hold it by the stem to eat. On the outside it has a layer of oily bread that is corn and kind of sweet too. Inside is meat that maybe is ground up rat but I don’t know. Frost said I should put mouse turd on it but what she meant wasn’t like it is spelled. Mouse turd for corndog is a yellow paste that is tangy like some of the roots I dug up and tried to eat. All of it together was yum and I wisht I knew where they grow because I would pick the whole bush of corndog.

More Than Magnets

Sometimes it’s just too pretty to go running around looking for junk.

Went Running

Today I seen so many things when I went running. I found some chemicals too but I don’t know what they do maybe explode. I was looking for junk in a yard when I saw the nice doggie I know. He likes to wander on the same path like Sam and I think we could be friends some day. For now he stays mostly away and sniffs at me and me at him.

Then I seen a doll of the old scary man who traded food to me a few times. I used to have a doll when I was a brat but she was made of corn husks and this food man doll was much better stuff. I wisht I was a brat again and had a nice toy like him.

After that I ran down to The Cape because it is so glamour and modern there but the first thing I seen was people meat so I guess I don’t know. Maybe the water there is worse than I thought.

But the so funny thing I saw was in a striped tent that was new since I was at The Cape last time. I don’t know if I should have but I had a peek inside the tent and there was a sad funny man with two heads in a jar. I guess I don’t know what it means but I stared and stared. It seemed even too small to be a real person but it wore hats so maybe so.

Pretend Times

I ran out to Burnt Oak again tonight to see if I would member any more things but when I got there it was a crowd of people instead of empty. I seen some of them before but I didn’t know what was happening so I kept quiet like a mouse. I guess these people use the big white wall to tell their stories like a shadow play with lights and tones. I don’t know how it works and it was so glamour like a charm you can’t stop looking at. I got as close as I could and watched the big wall but the story was funny. Some kids on the wall were mean and tried to hurt everyone and they all wore funny clothes and talked about things I don’t understand. And the killing parts just seemed like pretend times from what I seen around here. All the people there seemed to have fun watching the story on the big white wall so I had fun right along. But really I don’t know what it means.

Now I Know

I guess I feel better now since I membered about the beforetimes. So much was fuzzy in my head but a lot is better now even though I still get the terrible headpains and nose bleeds. But now I member lots of things like how Grammy taught me my spelling and my brother Jack who died as a baby. Even I member Mommy and Papa and how they got killed and that was when I was still a brat. I guess I’m glad that I’m free now even though it is hard to stay alive by myself but I don’t have nobody telling me work harder Sam and I can run around where I want. I miss the warm kitchen and the nice ladies who had to work there too.

But mostly Honcho Uno was a bad fat man who took things from everyone and told people what to do or else he hurt you so I guess I don’t miss it much. I wisht a little that I knew where in the world the kitchen was but I guess it’s all busted up now anyway so if I did know where I maybe wouldn’t even go back. It must be very far away from here.

Another thing I member is how Grammy used to make the bread batch bigger by adding some sawdust. She told me Sam never say about this or they will eat us for dinner instead and I never told nobody. It was some of the good times with Grammy.

I Member Now What Happened

(note: this entry is written on the back of a Miss February pin-up poster found behind Harvey’s Bar one lucky night)

Today I started running early and went a long way and I found more feathers. I was running in a place I don’t know very good called Burnt Oak where a big white wall is there in the middle of nowhere for some reason. Mostly it was empty out there so I thought good for me to find useful things.

I started to get a nose bleed again and the sun was making me cross so I stopped to rest in a little metal shack. I think it was the metal shack that made me member because the wall was just like some of the walls around Honcho Uno’s fort and that started me thinking.

It was my last night in the beforetimes I guess because everything was ruined. The kitchen where me and Grammy used to work was all messed up and mean men from outside were hurting everyone along the Big Wall. I member Grammy talking to the guard man Marko about how Honcho Uno was history now and how we better be gone quick before it’s our turn too. Grammy told me come here and to hide in the root cellar for a spell and stay quiet as a mouse. I member I thought how a mouse squeaks but I won’t because I knew what Grammy meant.

I heard a lot of yelling and cross men when I was in the cellar but I was quiet like a mouse. I could smell fires too and I was starting to think it was real bad when I heard Grammy tell me come out. It was dark and I got into the back of a wagon with Grammy. Marko drove the big wooly cow around to the river side of Honcho Uno’s fort and we all got on a soggy raft and drifted out along with the stink and garbage.

When we got off the raft it was so cold and dark. I never been out of the Big Wall except when I got in so much trouble that time and that was just a mistake is all. But now the mistake was to go back where we lived and I could see Grammy cry. I was going to say it’s ok Grammy but then a lot of the mean men found us and hit Marko real hard in the head. Most of the mean men were from the outside but the one man I saw with them I knew from times I seen Honcho Uno and it was one of his main men. He had big silly gloves on and he told me and Grammy that we belonged to him now. When Grammy started crying again he hit her so hard and when I told him stop it he hit me too. His dumb gloves were made of horse skin and his breath was like old milk.

The Man with the Gloves kept me in a wooden box for I guess I don’t know how long. He had a lot of wagons with stuff he took from Honcho Uno and they were all moving during the day but I don’t know where. Sometimes he would give me food and sometimes he would try to get me. Once when he tried to get me I bit him on the neck as hard as I could. I member he hit me a lot then.

That night he forgot to lock my box with his big stinky horse gloves and when it sounded ok I lifted the lid and crawled away in the dark. I took some things from the man's camp wagons like my ear covers and some other gear but then I ran and ran I don’t even know where but I ran so hard. I was so tired and cold and trying to get away still when I tripped and fell down a hole. I guess I hit my head and ate some dirt because when I woke up I didn’t know much or why I had dirt in my mouth. Everything seemed like a beforetime and like I just became here. And I was thinking that all along. Until today in a metal shack out in Burnt Oak. I never seen Grammy or Marko since.

(wrinkled page)

Sometimes I can’t even spell about what goes on. Even talking won’t work right. I bet sand bugs don’t ever feel like this. I bet the sticker bushes don’t wake up sad sometimes. Even the creepy snake-fish that live in the ooze seem like they belong there. I just got bloody noses and a broken headset. I never even seen any cake pans to grease here. Grammy would say I’m sourpuss now and I guess she might be right. I better eat that last Townkie.

Little Owl

I met a little owl today on a roof. He was a tiny brown owl with big sweet eyes and his feathers looked so soft. He kept tipping back and forth with his pointy wings like a bird dance but I don’t know why. The owls I seen here just swoop on mice and give a little hoot sometimes they never dance. He must have been a different kind of owl I guess. I sure wisht I could take him home with me.

Far Away Grammy

I dreamed I seen Grammy in the long stinky tunnel last night. I don’t know why I was dreaming in there but I had a feeling I should hide when I seen Grammy in the far away. She seemed smaller than before and her hands were hard and cracked.

She came closer and I said hello Grammy but she looked like she was watching something out there some place instead of seeing me. I asked her if she wanted to see the red sticker flowers with me but she only saw something far away. Then it sounded like she was sad like when she would talk about mommy and papa. I didn’t understand her words but I knew she was telling me she had to leave.

Then I don’t know why but I yelled at her Grammy you stay here with me but she never heard. I was sorry I yelled just as soon as I did it and I said sorry Grammy please stay and I won’t ever yell again. But she was walking down to the other end of the tunnel by then and we never talked. I didn’t think to follow her so I just watched her get smaller and smaller in the dark until it was just me. Then I woke up. I went to the the tunnel first thing but Grammy wasn’t there. I knew it was just a dream but I had to check I guess.

Sand Again

I was going to go running today to find useful things but I felt funny and dark. So I went down to the sticker bushes and I sat and watched sand for a long time. I think the bugs just walked around me because I didn't feel even one all day. Maybe they could tell I was funny. I guess I don't know why I have dark spells and headpains. Maybe I was supposed to stay in the ground. Anyway I stayed in the bushes all day. I like the feel of the stickers on my face and arms and even the sand in my toes. I don't know what that means either.